Yo Mat Riders,
Whoa....SBS (shag but shiok) weekend man. Fun max in Singapore. Now is the time to step up the intensialty in Bawston. So take care, heartlanders. Look out for more updates.
YESSAH!
Mat Love
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Monday, August 28, 2006
PISS: Mandai
Yo Mat Riders,
This is the story of the Mandai Tree who was lonely and maybe lost forever.
Once upon a time ah, there was a lonely Mandai Tree. The Mandai Tree got no bradda or sista in high places, only low places like the grass, weeds, goats, chickens and boars. So he relac one korner at Bukit Mandai. One day, in 1855, somebody thought it was a good idea to build a road to konek Woodlands Road to Upper Thomson Road lah.
The Mandai Tree was scareded. He call for help, "Tolong! Tolong!" but nobody cared. The grass and weeds all kena cleared and the animals all run away to save themselves only. Although the Mandai Tree has been living here his whole life, he cannot fight the Rain Tree because the Rain Tree is Super Foreign Talent from South America Rainforest. Mandai Tree only kuching kurap heartlander.
150 years on man. No one remembers the Mandai Tree. Could this be the last sighting sighting of the Mandai Tree?
YESSAH,
Mat Love
This is the story of the Mandai Tree who was lonely and maybe lost forever.
Once upon a time ah, there was a lonely Mandai Tree. The Mandai Tree got no bradda or sista in high places, only low places like the grass, weeds, goats, chickens and boars. So he relac one korner at Bukit Mandai. One day, in 1855, somebody thought it was a good idea to build a road to konek Woodlands Road to Upper Thomson Road lah.
The Mandai Tree was scareded. He call for help, "Tolong! Tolong!" but nobody cared. The grass and weeds all kena cleared and the animals all run away to save themselves only. Although the Mandai Tree has been living here his whole life, he cannot fight the Rain Tree because the Rain Tree is Super Foreign Talent from South America Rainforest. Mandai Tree only kuching kurap heartlander.
150 years on man. No one remembers the Mandai Tree. Could this be the last sighting sighting of the Mandai Tree?
YESSAH,
Mat Love
Places in Sunny Singapore
Yo Mat Riders,
You live in Singapore all your life right but you know what the story or meaning about your kampung or not? Alamak, you blur toad already right? Nevermind Ok, Mat do this public slevice for you all lah.
Starting next time ah, Mat will introduction the Places in Sunny Singapore to you ah, otherwise known as PISS. Mat will go to PISS lah. Don't shy ah, come and join and one big group go to PISS together.
YESSAH
Mat Love
You live in Singapore all your life right but you know what the story or meaning about your kampung or not? Alamak, you blur toad already right? Nevermind Ok, Mat do this public slevice for you all lah.
Starting next time ah, Mat will introduction the Places in Sunny Singapore to you ah, otherwise known as PISS. Mat will go to PISS lah. Don't shy ah, come and join and one big group go to PISS together.
YESSAH
Mat Love
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Singapore to be pirated vcd free by 2007
The gahmen has announced that Singapore will be targetting to completely wipe out pirated vcd vendors by the start of 2007. The gahmen is confident that the collaboration of the police force and citizens will lead to success.
Straight Times recently interviewed a former pirated vcd vendor, Mr Pa Chew Cheng. "Alamak, now ah, si beh hard to earn money man. Always kena pao toh by the public, all want the reward money. Basket. I think ah, now no future in IT already lah. Gahmen also change to everything BIO. Maybe i sell sperm, make more money."
Straight Times,
Mat Love
Straight Times recently interviewed a former pirated vcd vendor, Mr Pa Chew Cheng. "Alamak, now ah, si beh hard to earn money man. Always kena pao toh by the public, all want the reward money. Basket. I think ah, now no future in IT already lah. Gahmen also change to everything BIO. Maybe i sell sperm, make more money."
Straight Times,
Mat Love
Monday, August 21, 2006
New balanced diet pyramid released
Scientists at Biopalace have made a breakthrough in nutritional research with Singapore food. A proposal has been drafted and will be submitted to the government to change the balanced diet pyramid.
The new pyramid is as follows.
Straight Times,
Mat Love
The new pyramid is as follows.
Straight Times,
Mat Love
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Thanks for the memories, Singapore Bostonians 2005-06
A tribute to those who have made 2005-06 a truly memorable year.
Jasmin, Kenrick, Angela and Jiamin at Kenrick's farewell
Jermaine's farewell lunch
On the left of the table from the inside: Katerina, Alex, Lynette, Kenneth, Miss X, Hongyi, Daryl
On the right of the table from the inside: Jianlong, Henry, Jasmin, Trevor, Me ( standing ), Jermaine, Melanie, Xiaojuan
Hong yi
White Water Rafting Trip
Standing: Wally, Jianlong, Thomas, Me, Instrutor X and Y, Trevor, Palex
Sitting: Angela, Jasmin, Katerina, Xiaojuan
Jasmin, Kenrick, Angela and Jiamin at Kenrick's farewell
Jermaine's farewell lunch
On the left of the table from the inside: Katerina, Alex, Lynette, Kenneth, Miss X, Hongyi, Daryl
On the right of the table from the inside: Jianlong, Henry, Jasmin, Trevor, Me ( standing ), Jermaine, Melanie, Xiaojuan
Hong yi
White Water Rafting Trip
Standing: Wally, Jianlong, Thomas, Me, Instrutor X and Y, Trevor, Palex
Sitting: Angela, Jasmin, Katerina, Xiaojuan
Monday, August 14, 2006
RLX - Family Clinic
Yo Mat Riders,
A phone call today made Mat's day man. The story like this. Yesterday, Mat sakit perut man, almost want to die lah. Mat remember a pain sama-sama to this one when in primary school. At that time, Mat ate Kway Teow Goreng from the original Satay Club and then kena food poisoning. Went to the original Changi Hospital.
This time, the feeling the sama man, like got broken glass in Mat's intestine. No choice lah, got to go to the Family Clinic across the street.
( Turn on soundtrack to Saving Private Ryan-nudin ).
When the lift reached the level gilo and the door open, Mat collapsed onto the concrete and leopard crawl towards the stairs. With one arm on the injury, Mat flung himself to the railings and struggled up the stairs and got himself ready to cross the road. Many enemy vehicles at full speed in the school zone, all ignoring the barriers to stop them from speeding. Mat, with his advance frogger training, timed this run to perfection. Once on the other side of the road, Mat asked the chicken why he crossed the road but without waiting, Mat made a slow motion baywatch style dash to the clinic.
Mat was rushed to the treatment room, ya, cut queue man. Mat was loosing liquid fast, from the backside and from the mouth. No time to spare, the doctor came in, ask Mat to relac one korner with his shorts down and AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Mat took a shot in the right papadum.....instant relac-tion man. Mat passed out for much of sunday.
Anyway, today Mat received a pleasant surprise phone call. It was someone from the clinic. She ask Mat if Mat is safe and sound. Yes Yes, Mat is safe and sound. What a nice phone call man, so thoughtful. I wish more people so nice in Singapore. Then everyone will be happier.
Later,
Mat Love
A phone call today made Mat's day man. The story like this. Yesterday, Mat sakit perut man, almost want to die lah. Mat remember a pain sama-sama to this one when in primary school. At that time, Mat ate Kway Teow Goreng from the original Satay Club and then kena food poisoning. Went to the original Changi Hospital.
This time, the feeling the sama man, like got broken glass in Mat's intestine. No choice lah, got to go to the Family Clinic across the street.
( Turn on soundtrack to Saving Private Ryan-nudin ).
When the lift reached the level gilo and the door open, Mat collapsed onto the concrete and leopard crawl towards the stairs. With one arm on the injury, Mat flung himself to the railings and struggled up the stairs and got himself ready to cross the road. Many enemy vehicles at full speed in the school zone, all ignoring the barriers to stop them from speeding. Mat, with his advance frogger training, timed this run to perfection. Once on the other side of the road, Mat asked the chicken why he crossed the road but without waiting, Mat made a slow motion baywatch style dash to the clinic.
Mat was rushed to the treatment room, ya, cut queue man. Mat was loosing liquid fast, from the backside and from the mouth. No time to spare, the doctor came in, ask Mat to relac one korner with his shorts down and AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Mat took a shot in the right papadum.....instant relac-tion man. Mat passed out for much of sunday.
Anyway, today Mat received a pleasant surprise phone call. It was someone from the clinic. She ask Mat if Mat is safe and sound. Yes Yes, Mat is safe and sound. What a nice phone call man, so thoughtful. I wish more people so nice in Singapore. Then everyone will be happier.
Later,
Mat Love
Friday, August 11, 2006
R.L.X. - Encounter with Indian Fortune Teller
One day, during poly daze, Mat wanted to ponteng Friday Prayer cos super hot. Mat buy newpaper and relac one korner in void deck. Then this indian man approach Mat
Indian Man (IM): Would you like to donate some money? I tell your fortune.
Mat: No Thank Q you.
IM: I see your past is very cloudy. In future, you will travel a lot and have better fortune.
Mat: Thanks lah but don't need to tell more. Don't believe in fortune telling.
IM: Eh, how come you never go for prayers?
Mat: What you mean?
IM: You muslim right? It's written on your forehead.
Mat run like flash man, go to mosque. This RLX super spook Mat to the max. After that, always go man...never ponteng anymore.
Later,
Matlove
Indian Man (IM): Would you like to donate some money? I tell your fortune.
Mat: No Thank Q you.
IM: I see your past is very cloudy. In future, you will travel a lot and have better fortune.
Mat: Thanks lah but don't need to tell more. Don't believe in fortune telling.
IM: Eh, how come you never go for prayers?
Mat: What you mean?
IM: You muslim right? It's written on your forehead.
Mat run like flash man, go to mosque. This RLX super spook Mat to the max. After that, always go man...never ponteng anymore.
Later,
Matlove
R.L.X.
Yo Mat Riders,
Mat is starting a new series lah. Not TV series tupid, series of true stories by Mat. R.L.X. stand for Real Life Xperience, pronounced "RELAX". Watch for it man...
Later,
MatLove
Mat is starting a new series lah. Not TV series tupid, series of true stories by Mat. R.L.X. stand for Real Life Xperience, pronounced "RELAX". Watch for it man...
Later,
MatLove
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Top 10 things women can do to jepordise their engagement
10. You sleep with his brother
9. You sleep with his sister
8. You sleep with his father
7. You sleep with both his brother and father
6. You sleep with his mother
5. You sleep with your mother
4. You sleep with your father
3. Ashton Kutcher comes out of your wedding cake
2. You sleep with Ashton Kutcher
1. Donkey show
9. You sleep with his sister
8. You sleep with his father
7. You sleep with both his brother and father
6. You sleep with his mother
5. You sleep with your mother
4. You sleep with your father
3. Ashton Kutcher comes out of your wedding cake
2. You sleep with Ashton Kutcher
1. Donkey show
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Top 10 things men can do to jepordise their engagement
10 - You suggest your wedding dinner should be at McDonald's
9 - You buy the wedding band from Perlini Silver
8 - You tell her you're inviting your imaginary childhood friend
7 - You ask if there's room for one more at the wedding ceremony
6 - You ask her ex-boyfriend to be the best man
5 - You fall asleep at the ceremony
4 - You say another woman's name when you recite your vows
3 - You want to name your first daughter after your ex-girlfriend
2 - You want to wear the gown at the ceremony
1 - You ask her to be the stripper at your bachelor party
9 - You buy the wedding band from Perlini Silver
8 - You tell her you're inviting your imaginary childhood friend
7 - You ask if there's room for one more at the wedding ceremony
6 - You ask her ex-boyfriend to be the best man
5 - You fall asleep at the ceremony
4 - You say another woman's name when you recite your vows
3 - You want to name your first daughter after your ex-girlfriend
2 - You want to wear the gown at the ceremony
1 - You ask her to be the stripper at your bachelor party
Conversation with watch shop unker
Shop: Stupid Watch Shop (Name changed to protect the innocent)
Location: Peninsula Plaza, opposite Cathy Photo
Time: 12.30pm
Mat checks out the outside display and then stylo milo walk into the shop.
Mat, in perfect England: Hello, excuse me. May i see one of the watches in the display?
Unker: Which one ah?
Mat: The Suunto Observer
Unker: That one ah? All the Suunto watches 40% off. Good price.
Mat: So can i check it out?
Unker: You go to the website and then you check the specs out there lah. When you sure want to buy, you come back. I straight away give you. No need to check here lah.
Mat: Hmmm....ok, sure i'll check it out online. Maybe i'll buy it online too.
Mat then again stylo milo exits.
Location: Peninsula Plaza, opposite Cathy Photo
Time: 12.30pm
Mat checks out the outside display and then stylo milo walk into the shop.
Mat, in perfect England: Hello, excuse me. May i see one of the watches in the display?
Unker: Which one ah?
Mat: The Suunto Observer
Unker: That one ah? All the Suunto watches 40% off. Good price.
Mat: So can i check it out?
Unker: You go to the website and then you check the specs out there lah. When you sure want to buy, you come back. I straight away give you. No need to check here lah.
Mat: Hmmm....ok, sure i'll check it out online. Maybe i'll buy it online too.
Mat then again stylo milo exits.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Definition of Courtesy
Courtesy, or rather the lack of it, has recently been a hot topic of debate in Singapore. Straight Times took to the streets to ask the heartlanders what exactly is the meaning of courtesy to them.
Reporter : Excuse me ma'am, can you ....
Woman with child : Sorry, no one to buy, no money, already got insurance...
Reporter : Excuse me sir, what is definition of courtesy?
Man : Curtesy ah? Is the loot word Curt ah? Curt is rude light? Means Rudesy lah. Why ah? Singapore got win rudesy contest is it?
Reporter : Yes Sir, we're 3rd in a poll of 30 countries but KL beat us to the top spot.
Man : KNNBCCB!
Reporter : Excuse me sir, what does courtesy mean to you?
Man : Curdesy? Curd..hmm.... can eat right?
Straight Times,
Mat Love
Reporter : Excuse me ma'am, can you ....
Woman with child : Sorry, no one to buy, no money, already got insurance...
Reporter : Excuse me sir, what is definition of courtesy?
Man : Curtesy ah? Is the loot word Curt ah? Curt is rude light? Means Rudesy lah. Why ah? Singapore got win rudesy contest is it?
Reporter : Yes Sir, we're 3rd in a poll of 30 countries but KL beat us to the top spot.
Man : KNNBCCB!
Reporter : Excuse me sir, what does courtesy mean to you?
Man : Curdesy? Curd..hmm.... can eat right?
Straight Times,
Mat Love
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Republic tops international efficiency poll
Singapore once again came out tops in an international survey of 30 countries including Japan, the United States of America and Germany. The criteria covered a wide area including waiting time and frequency of public transport, custom clearance at checkpoints and ordering of fast food.
Straight Times managed to get in touch with the store manager of Mosque Burger, Mr Noh Mannersudin. Mr Noh explains how he found the perfect recipe for maximum efficiency. "My staff is super highly trained. Every situation ah, they know how to respond. Like example ah, the order process, we try to cut the time down. No chit chat or non-important words like Thank You or Please. These words just waste our time and your time also. We just say, "Want Wat?", "Total is xxx". Sentence limit to 3 words ah. This way, we get the food to you super fast."
Mat Love
Straight Times
Straight Times managed to get in touch with the store manager of Mosque Burger, Mr Noh Mannersudin. Mr Noh explains how he found the perfect recipe for maximum efficiency. "My staff is super highly trained. Every situation ah, they know how to respond. Like example ah, the order process, we try to cut the time down. No chit chat or non-important words like Thank You or Please. These words just waste our time and your time also. We just say, "Want Wat?", "Total is xxx". Sentence limit to 3 words ah. This way, we get the food to you super fast."
Mat Love
Straight Times
Monday, July 10, 2006
The day Mat almost dieded
Yo Mat Riders,
Today is the day Mat almost dieded. The longest 1 1/2hrs in Mat's entire existence. Ok lah, maybe not...exagerated. Today was Mat's recital.
Mat got flu on sunday...yes yesterday. Jia lat man. Why always this happen man. So Mat slept a lot today, but still woke up very tired. Maybe sleep too much. Anyway, it was the hardest recital Mat has ever experience. Mat wonder how the pros do it. Something Mat need to learn.
Ok lah, Mat go koon now.
Later,
Mat Love
Today is the day Mat almost dieded. The longest 1 1/2hrs in Mat's entire existence. Ok lah, maybe not...exagerated. Today was Mat's recital.
Mat got flu on sunday...yes yesterday. Jia lat man. Why always this happen man. So Mat slept a lot today, but still woke up very tired. Maybe sleep too much. Anyway, it was the hardest recital Mat has ever experience. Mat wonder how the pros do it. Something Mat need to learn.
Ok lah, Mat go koon now.
Later,
Mat Love
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Trumpet Recital - Singapore
Yo Mat Riders,
Mat has been super busy preparing for his recital here in XIN JA PORRRRR.... anyway, if you have time, feel free to see what Mat do most of his time. Blow his trumpet!
Trumpet Recital by Najib Wong
La Salle Auditorium ( Mountbatten Rd / Goodman Rd )
10th July (Monday) 8pm
Free ( Donations accepted for charity of my choice )
Musicians performing:
Beatrice Lin, Piano
Grace Lee, Violin
Chong Loo Kit, Shannon Chng, Benny Goh, Winston Goh, Low Jia Hua, Yap Thien Soo, Trumpet
Repetoire
Bozza - Rustiques
Arutunian - Concerto
Ewazen - Fantasia for 7 trumpets
Intermission
Ewazen - Trio for Trumpet, Violin and Piano
Later,
Mat Love
Mat has been super busy preparing for his recital here in XIN JA PORRRRR.... anyway, if you have time, feel free to see what Mat do most of his time. Blow his trumpet!
Trumpet Recital by Najib Wong
La Salle Auditorium ( Mountbatten Rd / Goodman Rd )
10th July (Monday) 8pm
Free ( Donations accepted for charity of my choice )
Musicians performing:
Beatrice Lin, Piano
Grace Lee, Violin
Chong Loo Kit, Shannon Chng, Benny Goh, Winston Goh, Low Jia Hua, Yap Thien Soo, Trumpet
Repetoire
Bozza - Rustiques
Arutunian - Concerto
Ewazen - Fantasia for 7 trumpets
Intermission
Ewazen - Trio for Trumpet, Violin and Piano
Later,
Mat Love
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